Finding the New Me!

This may be triggering for Eating Disorders/Body image etc. Also for Abuse Trauma!! Please take care.

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I attended a Webinar yesterday. Have you ever been to one of those? This one was about Trauma and Weight gain. Of course, trauma can have the opposite effect also, which I’ve discovered from my friends in hospital and online. Something that struck me though, is whether you’ve grown in size or shrunk in size due to trauma, one thing seems to be equal…we’re trying to hide from a world that we perceive to be unsafe. People such as myself are hiding behind the fat and (some) people with EDs such as Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa are trying to hide also, by disappearing altogether.

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I’ll try to explain it like this…

We all have “primal” instincts, right? You may have heard of the “fight or flight” concept (many now add in “freeze” to the mix).
The thing is, that these responses go back to our cave man days. Flight, was quite literally fleeing from predators and Fight, was going out and attacking – hunting food.

Say I was walking down the street and a dog came out of nowhere and was about to attack. I could fight – by preparing to defend myself; flight – quite literally, run away; or Freeze – not know what to do!

Our bodies have physiological reactions to these responses…it’s not just “in your mind”.
That’s where weight changes, due to trauma, come in.

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I am currently in “FREEZE” mode. Trying to appear invisible.
I don’t know whether to run away or fight. My mind is confused and so is my body, but apparently I can change that.

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I am fat because my mind wants me to be fat…even though on a conscious level I want to be thinner. My mind thinks that the fat is protecting me from an unsafe world. Of course this is not true.

“Wanting to be skinny” isn’t good enough for my mind. It needs proof that the world is safe, which is where the psychological aspect of weight loss comes into play.

I’ll be working with my therapist to hopefully deal with the following beliefs which are hindering my weight loss:

  • The world is not safe
  • I am lazy
  • I am ugly
  • I can’t live a “normal” life – study, work, family
  • I’ll never have a baby because I’m too fat
  • I must lose weight before I date anyone
  • I’m different to others
  • I won’t survive without Mum & Dad
  • I was always supposed to be fat
  • I deserve to be fat and ugly
  • I’ll never amount to anything
  • Nobody will ever want to be with me because I’m fat

I think I’m already on my way there just by recognising these.

There is more to come, so if you’re interested, please follow me on my journey of self discovery.

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