About Me

My name is Molly – I am 28 years old and I am the second youngest of 6 children. I have a beautiful dog, who I love to bits – Rosie (AKA Roses).

Life has been a bit of a roller-coaster for me. I was sexually abused from age 5 to 9 by two ex-friends of my brother. My brother ended one of the friendships (even though he is not aware of what was done to me by this ex-friend) and he thankfully drifted apart from the other person (who was involved only once). Another brother is an alcoholic and tormented the family from when I was born until age 8.
I moved interstate when I was 9 – I believe that’s the only reason why the sexual abuse stopped. I’ve been back to my home town many times to visit over the years, and each time have had terrible mental consequences for myself – ending up in hospital. I haven’t been back for over 2 years now and I miss my family terribly, but my psychologist doesn’t think I’m ready to take that plunge again just yet.

Interestingly, there were about 6 years where I had no conscious memory of the abuse occuring. I only began to remember things after my biggest outlet – dancing – was taken away from me, through injury. I got very unwell and even began to self harm whenever I could. I also self-harmed a lot without remembering (dissociation). I didn’t want to remember these things, and the memories were so odd – like they weren’t mine.  Most of the time it was like I was floating above watching things happen to myself. Later, I learned this was due to the dissociation I had experienced during and after these events.

My past has led to major Mental Health complications in later life, and labels including: Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociative Disorder NOS and Schizoaffective Disorder.

I’ve been in and out of Psychiatric Hospitals since age 17 and my latest stay was 7 months in 2012. I have been seeing the same psychologist since I was 16 – she is awesome! I also see a psychiatrist, who unfortunately is very keen on medication, but I’m hoping to change that.

2013 is a gap year for me…a year to discover who I am, what I like, hang out with friends and make new ones and learn all the while!

I still have a long way to go, which is sometimes daunting, but I believe I will get there!

you can stop running

7 thoughts on “About Me

  1. Fiona says:

    Hello Molly, you have been busy! Your blog looks amazing and you only just started it – impressive. I can’t wait to read more.
    I am sorry you have been through so much utter hell yourself, and inspired that you survived, and hopeful for you because of your positive outlook and your hope. I know you have been through times where you couldn’t see a way out of this – and yet you have never given up. In fact, you inspire me, make me smile, and I am far from the only person who feels this way.
    Hang in there – and I can’t wait to read all your writing.
    Love and hugs and all the best for this brand new year xoxo

    • Molly says:

      Thanks so much, sweet Fiona! (I sure have been busy haha…was up until 4am!)
      There are so many of us out there who have been through so many trials in childhood and adulthood and I think at times we all want to give up I’ve been through times where I have given up, but there’s always something that pulls me back. For me, now, giving up just isn’t an option! I did give in to the illness for a few years – kind of got consumed by it. I’m hoping though that the future holds brighter days. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I can see some sunshine some days.
      Lots of love’n’hugs, xoxox

      • Fiona says:

        I think we all disappear into the wilderness at some points, those of us who have been abused as children. It’s the only way we know. We are running away from a ‘monster’ that is very real, even though it now lives on in our memory. Yes, at times I wonder if I can keep going and just want to give up. It seems like we will be haunted forever in a way nobody should have to be, and our lives are being stolen from us now, too. But the reason we are still here is we are survivors, and we don’t give up. We will get there. the sunshine is waiting.
        Love and hugs to you, my sweet. I’m off now, but I’ll be back xxx

  2. Molly says:

    That makes perfect sense that we, as abused children, would disappear into the winderness. Sometimes when my Schizoaffective is bad (hallucinations and delusions) it’s like i’m in a little bubble.
    We are survivors and I believe we can do more than survive, we can learn to live!!
    Take care sweet friend xxx

  3. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. It should never happen to anyone!

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